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In a Tree

If your son climbs into a tree to sit in the crook of a branch and read (right now I think he's reading Tales To Give You Goosebumps by R.L. Stine, having just finished Peter Pan) should you:

1. Double check your insurance to see that it covers falling out of trees in the neighbors yard whilst reading cliche spooky stories.
2. Ignore him. He'll come home eventually.
3. Shake the tree until he falls out. There must be something more constructive for him to do.
4. Make a statement that begins "why, when I was your age..." then follow with just about anything. He won't hear you anyway.
5. Take his picture.
6. Double check every five minutes or so to see that he's still there. It may be that you yourself are in the middle of a goosebumps tale, in which case he is likely to become a squirrel or nut any moment, even if he happens to be up in a maple tree.
7. Write about him. It's what you seem to be good at.
8. Pick up a book yourself. But don't go into the tree. Sit on the porch with a lemonade or a beer or a cosmopolitan.
9. Use the Wii until he comes back inside. If he asks what you were doing, lie. Tell him you were checking the weather forecast. Do not, under any circumstances, admit to plying My Sims.
10. Make coffee. That's what you were going to do anyway.

That is all. I sure as hell hope the neighbor doesn't mind him sitting up there. And if he does? Well, I guess that's something we'll have to deal with when he gets home. Because right now, I gotta go mine some jewels.

Labels: books, kids, reading

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